So I'm totally psyched that I decided not to compete this year. I really feel like it was the best decision I could have made right now. As cliche as it sounds, I really am looking forward to the time I can spend working on my spiritual self. As a bodybuilding competitor, that one activity easily consumes my life, and I feel like I've kind of lost sight of who I am as a result of that. I just want to take a little time to revisit the other things that make me who I am and explore new areas as well.
Once I came to this conclusion (yesterday), I had to act right away.....because I don't do anything casually. ;-) So I walked into this MMA studio that is a few blocks away from my apartment. I've been driving past it for months, and every time I do, I think about how I've always wanted to learn how to box.
So...I walk in and tell the young guy sitting behind the counter that I want to get some more information on their classes. He asks, "Well, what are you interested in?" I say, "I don't know really....I just want to punch somebody." He seemed to get a kick out of that and told me to stick around for the Muay Thai class that was just about to start. So I hung out for about a half an hour waiting and chatted with this guy a bit. The crazy thing was he knew an awful lot about female bodybuilding....didn't see that coming. I attract schmoes like white on rice!
Anyway....the class was awesome. It's an intense cardio workout, and I feel like it's what has been missing as far as my physical activity.......I like the contact and the social interaction incorporated with the physical aggression. Bodybuilding can be a very lonely sport, and it's near impossible to have other hobbies when you are competing.
So, I'm pretty sure Muay Thai and boxing are going to be a regular thing for me for awhile. I'm still going to train in the gym of course, but not having the burden and pressure of a competition really frees my mind and time up to do other things.

I spoke with my grandmother on the phone tonight and told her about my boxing class. Her response: "Your going to be dangerous! You picked your Mom up like a sack of potatoes at the beach last weekend."
Hahaha
I love my family.

All that said.....I'm fairly positive I'll get back on stage in 2010. As conflicting as it can be, I have such a passion for bodybuilding, and it's not something I want to give up. I just need to learn how to do it in a way that is mentally and emotionally healthier for me.....

Let me wipe the dust off of this thing....

Every so often, I go through an awkward adjustment phase in my life. It always seems to arise out of the blue, although I'm probably just oblivious to all of the precursors. Suddenly I will be discontent with everything in my life, I will go through a period of extreme discomfort, and then I'll start making radical changes.

That feeling of dissatisfaction recently crept up on me, and after some deep reflection I'm left questioning who I am and who I want to be. It's so easy to lose sight of what is important to me when I'm stuck in the daily grind of life. I can become so focused on one thing, that I lose the focus of everything in the peripheral.

So I've been a mess the last few days, trying to figure out what it is that is bothering me. I really don't have an articulate answer to that yet, but I know that I should embrace these awkward moments because with them comes growth.